I feel a bit better but still light-headed & weak so I stay at A's for another day. It's unbelievable the ways he chooses to take care of me– letting me sleep in until noon, treating me to coffee & burger for breakfast, putting his entire weight on my frail body & pointing out with a full smile that he can smell BO, etc. In sickness, everything moves like a sleeping kitten turning inside an old woven basket. The slow speed of my mind registering stimulation & generating a reaction. The sharp sensation of my muscles when pressed & my skin when brushed... The difference between me & a cat is that the rest haunts me.
I talk with B on the phone in the cold pantry room to give A some space to work. I feel less like a slob in the cold & perhaps I let that get to my head. I recognize my didactic tone (YUCK!) in my efforts to be nonpartisan on the issue that B is going through. When was the last time I called a friend expecting anything other than "that's so fair"? I take pride in the fact that most of my friends are better than me & they actually expect an "honest opinion" when they say they are looking for one. But as it goes for a lot of faux-intelligent people, I stretch the concept of honesty to cover my shitty advice & lack of emotional foresight. I pledge to fix this about myself in 2025.